Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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