Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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