..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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