Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
