peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
