No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
