Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
