woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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