when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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