i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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