9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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