I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
