I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
