brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
