I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The struggles of a small town man whore
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
