I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
