I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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