omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
