She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
