my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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