The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
