we have pet lesbian snakes
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We just shotgunned beers for America
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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