Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
