Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
