He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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