If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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