My Higher Power is John Stamos
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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