Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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