I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
