it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
