my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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