So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
