Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
