as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
