I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
