Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
