it hurts more in the daytime
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
