But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
