I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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