alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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