You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
