I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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