i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
