Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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