do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
