i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
