Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
