Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
