I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
