In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
