he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
