I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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