can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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