After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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